Why i disabled wall posts from Facebook on my Birthday

I do not know.

I wanted to do that last year too. But last year i just took the Bdate out of the profile, but still there were people who remembered and posted on the wall, thus kinda ratting me out.

I am not offended by people that forget. No, in this fast paced all work no play environment, i know that there are days when you do not know what day of the week it is, let alone the date. So no, it is not so i would filter out my friends and see who remembers.

I almost forgot to congratulate my sister. I had to add a reminder. So yes, this is how it is. We do not forget an appointment at work, but we forget friends/relatives important dates. The former forget us however, while the latter, never do….

As of now, i have  421 friends on Facebook. Of course, when seeing that it is my birthday, not all of them will write, because i myself do not write to all the people that have a birthday on a certain day. But some 50+ people will decide to post either a 250 character message or a simple ” Happy Bday”. Which i do not want.

The ones who are important, the ones i want to hear from, will either send a private message, e-mail  me, call me or visit me. And this is how it is supposed to be.

Advertisements

Letter to L

Dear L,

I am not sure i want to talk to you.

And it is not about me. I want you to be happy. And i do not really care how you do it. But i do want you to be honest with yourself. Yes, i want you to do that what i did not manage to do, at the respective moment.

At first i was afraid i was losing you. But i am not. I have to let you go. I have let you go before, and you always come back to me. Because it is how we are. And yes, i do know why.

 

 

Into the Blues

When i first heard that i was going to have the possibility to work from home – i said ok, that’s great. I wouldn’t have to lose the time that it takes to get to work, especially in a large metropolitan area such as Milan. I would also sleep more in the mornings, i would work straight out of bed, in my pijamas. I would not have to spend money on eating out at lunch-time. Also, i later discovered that working from home allows one to actually do some small things here and there – while a file loads ( one of my working files saves for 25 mins), i can just clean the house, take out the garbage, or even shower. I can work with a cup of tea by my side, not worrying about how i look, or what i am wearing.

During my lunch break i can go to the bank, the post office or whatever – something not possible with a job from 9 to 6 and an office that is in the middle of nowhere ( and i am not kidding, there is literally nothing around Blue Company HQ here in Milan Area) . And when i desire human contact i can go work from my graduated University, and, when i desire both human contact and free coffee and snacks, i can always go to the office.

So far so good.

But working from home actually means no human contact, no coffee breaks, and, most often than not, no lunch breaks either. It means actually starting work at 8 a.m. rather than being in the subway reading your novel on the kindle. It  means that when everyone goes home , because it is late, you keep on working, because you are home. It means that every day, day in and day out, it is just you and the computer. No experience sharing, no small talk, no learning from anyone else, no help, no complementing anyone’s attire or their success on that particular day. Only phone calls and impersonal e-mail communication. Or directed  ” kind suggestions”, ”  reminders” and “inquiries”.

Working from home means that i water my flowers more often than i should. And just like i nurture my flowers overtime, i dwell on certain matters and thoughts more than they deserve. And that is why my dreams are slowly fading away, just like the color from my begonia.

Yes, as explained here, i have a job. I need a career.

Uncomfortable shoes

Nobody forces you to do what you do not like, to spend time with people that are bad for you, and to buy uncomfortable shoes.

Well, sometimes i tend to disagree.

We are forced to do what we do not like –  it is called a job. 

We spend time with people that are bad for us –  because there is nobody else. And we are lonely.

But shoes…  shoes are a choice. We choose to buy an uncomfortable pair of high heel sandals because they are pretty. We choose the fake leather shoes because they match a dress/coat/bag. And we get the no brand no quality boots because they are cheaper.

But we shouldn’t.

We should do what we like, be with whom we want and wear what is good.

No, nobody forces us to buy uncomfortable shoes. We choose to.

Procrastination and the like

April 2013

On Friday afternoon, some of the uncertainty that i had disappeared –  and was substituted by another one, maybe (surely) even greater. I was told that there was a gap in the budget, and that the higher manager was re-positioned to a lower function, and that they may not be able to renew my internship  at the end of June. Not only am i not getting employed, but i am actually on the street again. The it is not you, it is us  talk.

The news was not totally unexpected –  i knew that from the beginning. I should had searched for a job replacement by now, but somehow, the days are filled with work, and evenings and weekends…  well, i guess here is where one would say i should be more careful how i invest my time.

I think that just as procrastination, avoiding making hard decisions is also embedded in human nature. After all, giving up the benefits of the present for uncertain  benefits in the future is not easy, and could also be called a method of procrastination. Or just that –  i am avoiding to make that decision today, and i will make it tomorrow….   Too bad that by the time this tomorrow comes, it will already be that future, and it will be without benefits, as the decision had not been taken in the past….

Personal

April 16th, 2013

Today is probably the second day of the rest of my life, let’s say. And yesterday was a very good 1st day. I actually managed to spend some time catching up on who i used to be before.  And aside from sleep and free time, that is what i miss the most.

Today, i feel like the world is at the tip of my fingers, and all i have to do is reach out and get it.  Of course, today is also the day when i am attending a full day online meeting/conference on the Safety at the workplace, which means that i can easily both follow the right of my screen –  the presentation –  and the left of my screen, something personal.

It looks like when one starts work, a lot of  personal  is lost. I rarely use my personal computer, i mostly have no time for my  personal projects, i have to put work ahead of personal matters and, sadly, i feel like a lot of my personality is lost. Day in and day out.

And personally, i think i need another job.

The words we choose to live

April 16th, 2013

First things first, that’s what i said today. Small, baby steps towards the set goal. Too bad i have no access to coffee, though.

Deeds, not words. Better well done than well said.

Some evenings i just lie in bed and i know that it is late, i know i should sleep, but i just do not want the day to end. Because there is something missing.

Today i was thinking of my own Eat Pray Love,  and thought that for me, it would most likely be  Eat Sleep Grow. 

Eat healthy, reasonable, and preferably at fixed hours. Rest for at least 7 hours per night, preferably go to sleep before midnight.

Grow. Create. Dream. Have Fun, free your mind. Love. 

And live each day so that in the evening you cannot wait for another day to start.