The diary of the soon to be unemployed

Good morning!

Every time i will feel the need to open Skype, i will write here. So far, i have only fallen into the trap once –  i opened the chatroom to share a link with a friend. Then i quickly quit, as i would like this to be day2 of the experiment :)

This morning i applied to a Business Analyst intern position –  and i got to thinking, i really do not want to be an intern, at my age…. and experience, i wanted to say. But, truth be told, there is not much of the latter –  everything i learned here at the BlueCo is company specific, and, even worse, is job specific. I am not sure i will be able to carry anything with me, anything but motivation, hard work, diplomacy in dealing with mean comments and insignificant requests. So yes, on one side i would like to start at a position –  as an intern –  and learn about the job, and then get employed. Well, the above application is still with the BlueCo – so maybe i can carry  some experience and knowledge with me – it is just in another city. A rainy city –  true-  but if i go there, i am cutting my hair again :)

Yesterday i had decided that i do not want to get wrapped into this all-work-and-no-play-hard-to-find-your-own-place-and-a-stable-job environment. Well, at least it has been like that for me, while my friends and roommates have somehow magically  gotten long term jobs and have settled down. Have they  settled  or not and  are they happy  where they are –  that is something that only they can know. But truth be told, everyone goes through the same thing, and as one of the above roommates has put it: when searching for a job, the law of large numbers holds: in her case, it was 100+ applications, 10 interviews and 1 job offer. In my case, however, it feels like it is 150+ applications, 5+interviews and…  no job offer so far :)

So, i was thinking yesterday that maybe it would not be that bad to return to my home city, and look for work there. Never mind that my search last year and 1 interview this year did not get me any job offers. So that leaves me with the question: am i  really delusional and really unprepared  or is it just due to the fact that   i do not fit in the particular companies that i interviewed with?

I actually dread the moment when i will be new in a company again. I remember last december through march –  there were still so many things that i was doing without actually knowing why i was doing them, and thus i was not sure i was doing them right, and everything had to be done really fast and really good. I caught my breath every time i got an e-mail, wondering what mistake had been found, my heart stopped when a corp chat window popped up; i had trouble sleeping, dreaming only excel files, pipeline numbers and charts charts charts.

I really hope that the new job will find me better prepared. When i started at the BlueCo i was also submerged into my thesis writing, and i had this  unreasonable  desire to also have a life apart from work and study. So maybe it will not be that bad…



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