Knock Knock Knocking on locked doors

If there is a closed door, knock, it might open. Or it might not. But you will never know till you knock.

And if you knock, and there is no answer – maybe you need to knock harder. If you knock again, and it still remains closed – maybe there is nobody there. If you knock a third time and there is still no movement –  surely, nothing is there. Or maybe they don’t want to open. So stop disturbing.




lasa in pacejpg


‘ If someone isn’t meeting you half way…  leave them be.’


Sometimes you just feel like cleaning. Cleaning your computer, your desktop, organize your folders, install all the updates, empty the recycle bin, clean the desk at the office, clean the house, clean your thoughts….

Germany and romance

Apparently romantic videos of the 80s are banned in Germany.


Could this be a Government demographic policy technique to increase the number of relationships/marriages in Germany : girls do not listen to romantic music -> girls do not know what real romance is like -> expectations are low -> girls accept anything the german fellows say as romantic -> relationship -> population grows.

Nah, Germans are just as romantic as any other nation :)

Midnight reflections

‘Nowadays, it is easier to get sex than to get asked to dance. ‘

The above quote was on my facebook wall these days.

Then i heard a story about how he  wanted a serious relationship and she wanted only sex. Some time ago, this did not happen at all. Less time ago, it was very popular for guys to say that all they want is some  fun , or that they would go for the famous friends with benefits.  Now, also girls are only into  flings,  one night stands and just plain i got needs.

Yep, this is what we have gotten to. Maybe this is just another way to control the population growth.

6 things i could never do without

The 6 things i could never do without, more or less in random order, just off the top of my head:

1. my friends and family
2. sense of humor
3. optimism
4. health
5. sunshine
6. planning

If i were to think about it more, maybe the list would be a bit different. It is nice to see what this quick one turned out like though.

To love and to lose

From Alfred Lord Tennyson’s poem In Memoriam:27, 1850:

I hold it true, whate’er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;
‘Tis better to have loved and lost
Than never to have loved at all.


And when you lose, do you lose it all… or do you keep some?

Do you break all contact? Or do you keep in touch? Is the former a sign of maturity… or is it the latter? Does keeping in touch means one is not really ready to move on, to lose?

We have spent so many great moments together, but it is time to part.  We shall each go our own separate ways. We will live, we will love, we will hurt, we will cry… and we will meet again. By that time, I will not know who you are, just like you won’t know who I am…. We will smile at each other, not knowing what to say, we will make small talk, we will discuss the weather and share rudimentary observations about the situation in which our paths have crossed again. We will ask each other what we have been up to all this time, we will share our success and maybe  we will scratch the surface of how we really are, how we really feel, how we have really been all this time. The person before you used to be everything at one time, and now, while talking, you see that somewhere, very deep inside, that person is still there.  A small, almost imperceptible shine in the eyes, a smile in the corner of the lips, and that hand tweak that you did not know you still remembered….  But then it is gone. You smile, shake hands and go your own separate ways. Till the next time you meet. You have loved and you have lost.

But how can you stop seeing that person day in and day out? You have loved and you have lost, you can both move on, you can both live your lives, and you can do that in close proximity of each other. You cannot imagine life without the other one in it, and after all, why should you? Yes, you have had your divergences, but in the end you have worked them out, there are no hurt feelings and you just do not want to lose that person from your life. And remember that you planned to go on that trip with friends, and you really cannot cancel? You would be disappointing so many people if you suddenly decided not to go, why should others be so affected by your personal life? You are both intelligent adults, you have talked about it and decided that yes, you will try to be just friends – just for a while, and see how that goes. In some time, if things do not work out, if there is too much resentment or hurt on either side, if there is any hint of tension in the air, you promise that if the other one does not take the step, you will be the strong one and will walk away. And by then, at least you will have the peace of mind that you have tried.  In the meantime, you will no longer be life partners, but you will still rely on eachother for the small things –  after all, one does not go from everything to something just like that. And then, as time passes, you get used to the new status quo;  at one point or another, you will each find your own happiness, independent of each other… but still in close proximity.  You have loved and you have lost, but you have not lost it all. You have loved… but have you lost? You go by your lives, you laugh, you spend time together, you grow…  you love. Because one probably never stops loving, one just stops expressing it in the form of kisses and life plans together. You may both then find other life partners, and you are happy, genuinely happy… and still together. Because you have loved.  And you still do.

What my desktop wallpaper tells me

Wallpapers-room_com___Be_Original_blue_by_Adam_Betts_1280x800Different people, different conversation topics. And it’s great for me that I have more than I circle of people whom I feel close to, people that I have met on different occasions, in different circumstances, with whom I have shared different experiences and who know different sides of me.

And the crowd from yesterday was one that was prone to listen to me talk (a lot), but also one that was inclined towards discussing matters of personal development – inspiration, motivation and brain re-wiring. And one idea (out of the many) that stuck with me till this morning was that one’s internal state of mind, ones way of thinking determines ones acting patterns. So more or less yes, I get very excited when I get a new idea, a new project etc… and I get super-active, both inside and out. Nothing is impossible any more, and I am finding myself in this state of pure energy and ideas. Till it passes.

If that excitement may be thought of as an inspired state, a motivated position, an energized form –  then it is true that commitment is what you actually do when you leave that state. It is what you do day in and day out that matters –  when the initial motivation, the initial energy, the initial excitement leaves you.

Yesterday I was very excited to start over, to respect my mind and my body, to watch what I eat and to exercise. To get up early and not to offer myself excuses, to be productive and to be able to say that yes, today was a good day.

And that type of motivation and energy usually hits me late into the night, coz that is when I make most promises to myself about things I will do the days to come. Yeah, right.

This morning, even if I had set the alarm for 7:00 AM, I snoozed it till the last possible moment, getting up at 8:45 when I already had to get dressed and go out. So much for my earlier that mornings  promises to actually get up earlier, work out, have breakfast and maybe even do some research.

So the question is, how can I get back to that, back to the inspired and motivated me ? Something had triggered that state in me yesterday, so theoretically, all I have to do today is find a similar incentive, a close enough stimuli, a  yes I guess that could do it  impulse, right?

So from there I got to the question that I was once asked in an interview:  What motivates you? Very good question, I would like to know the answer to that one too.

Motivational backgroundI have a friend/ex-roommate who likes to stick yellow post-its all over the place, with motivational quotes and sayings. I used to just read them and smile, as  you are special and you can do it, all you have to do is try notes on the wall are not really my style. Buy dish soap and olive oil  is more like me.

But is it really? Motivational, inspirational posters/wallpapers and desktop backgrounds might  work. If they did not work at all, they would not be so widespread (here I go, applying my Eastern European if there is a line at the store, they must be selling something really good  logic).  Also, being reminded of something positive, seeing a great idea, an elevated thought cannot do any harm, unlike the  mindless song lyrics, the disrespectful vocabulary and the small range thought patterns that we subject ourselves to, day in and day out.

After all, I will never know till I try.

I am a person who likes quotes. So due to that fact, combined with my friend’s seemingly endless post-its, not a lot is new in the realm of motivational/inspirational messages. So these are all things I know, all things I understand, all things I have seen/heard/told myself before. But what I found is that yes, in the same way that  repetition is the mother of knowledge , being reminded of some truths, reading an idea over and over again makes one understand it – get it into the system and incorporate it into one’s beliefs. And, more often than not, a quote is understood differently from time to time.  After all, a man cannot enter the same river twice.

So, after browsing a useless website that offers immediate short term gratification and a false sense of joy  and I close/minimize the browser, I get told that I need to do some work, that  my future is made out of what I do today, and not tomorrow  and that  nobody remembers the guy who quit.  

And then I think that yes, my wallpaper is right. I should listen to it. I should live out of my imagination, and not my history. I should be original. And I should design my own life.